*smiles* No, we must not have met before. I never went outside Doriath in my last life. Except. *frowns* I guess I sort of did -- I just don't remember.
*sighs heavily* And that's the problem, isn't it?
Feel free to vent if you like.
You see, my father is this sort of... *tries to think of a nice way to put it* ...insanely controlling person. It never really bothered me too much before. But I found out a few days ago that he was keeping something from me. Something really really big, about my past life, that he didn't want me to know "to protect me". But that doesn't seem fair, does it? Maybe I should get to decide what I should be protected from. Maybe? I just don't know.
I know you by reputation, anyway. I think most do. *encouragingly* I'm sure it'll come back to you sooner or later. In my experience, these things usually do. *goes to the sink to wash his hands*
*makes a few connections in his head based on recent encounters and the histories he's read* I met your father, actually. Elwë, yes? If he treats you anything like he treated me, I think I'll have to take your side of the argument by default. :s
*straddles one of the benches, facing you* On the one hand, I can imagine why a father would want to protect his daughter. But I think you're right--it's not necessary to keep secrets about those perceived dangers. In fact, it's when communication breaks down that things get really sticky.
Yeah, that's Daddy my father. *frowns* I know he wants to keep me safe and I understand that but... the "perceived danger" is my former husband. Who I don't even remember. He kept him a secret from me -- he even had all the history books changed! -- just because he didn't like him. Also I think he was trying to hide a bunch of really bad things he did in his last life.
*wrings her hands* But now I feel really bad because when I found out I said awful things to him. I should probably just go and apologize but I honestly don't think I can do that right now. Does that make me a bad person?
*grins* Sometimes the would-be husbands are the worst of all. *gets a strange look in his eye* My little girl always was a tomboy and I still... *trails off and blinks in confusion* Sorry, I just...zoned out there for a second.
just because he didn't like him...trying to hide a bunch of really bad things he did
That sounds extreme, no question. I'd guess there are some more fundamental emotional issues at play that he needs to work out first. Does he have any confidants? Trusted advisors? Maybe they could get him to talk to someone.
Does that make me a bad person?
Not a chance, Lúthien. We all say things in the heat of the moment that we regret later if only because I had a bad case of l'esprit de l'escalier. Just give yourself a little time. *smiles warmly* Obviously I've only heard one side of the story, but it doesn't sound to me like you have much to apologize for.
*resists the urge to burst out laughing* Well. Sometimes when they're not fighting he listens to my mother. But. They're pretty much always fighting especially about me. Hmm. I honestly don't think he takes advice from anyone. He's sort of power-hungry. I doubt he'd even listen to me if I talked to him which I'm not going to ever!!.
*smiles a little* I guess you're right. I was upset and I said things I didn't mean. And he said things that he hopefully didn't mean. Maybe... eventually I can talk to him about it. If he'll listen. He's not a very good listener.
I honestly don't think he takes advice from anyone
I doubt he'd even listen to me
He's not a very good listener
*can't help laughing himself* Varda's Stars, Lúthien! I'd have packed up my mother and run away from home by now. *quickly* Not that I'm recommending running away or anything.
I wouldn't do that! I mean. He's my dad. *fakely lightheartedly* I can't imagine what a terror he'd be if we weren't around. It's for the good of everyone if we stay.
Besides, he's a little insanecontrollingMachiavellianintense, but I love him. *frowns*
*nods* The good of the entire world, it sounds like. And it seems clear he loves you too, even he's going about the whole thing completely, entirely wrong. *feels something like indignation on behalf of all the good fathers out there...whose ranks he is not a member of, obviously. seriously.*
*a little sadly* Now that I think about it...my brother and I would have given anything for even a little misguided attention from our father.
my brother and I would have given anything for even a little misguided attention from our father.
*frowns* *feels sort of... selfish? ungrateful?* Your father didn't give you any attention? That's horrible. I honestly can't imagine what that would be like. I've always been the center of my father's world.
My father told me about him. The edited, bloodless version. *smiles a little* I don't think he liked your brother very much.
*curiously* You still don't remember much? Just your... daughter? And brother? I thought I remembered most everything but apparently there are still a few gaps. It would probably be a lot easier if we remembered everything right off.
*shrugs* I don't think he liked most people very much.
Little things, here and there. Random things. I need to just sit down and get some reading done so I can at least learn it all intellectually. I heard the book laws have been repealed. Maybe reading will help you remember?
if we remembered everything right off
Some people do. At first I thought it was related to time done in Mandos for our sins. That would have been a little more encouraging actually. Meaningful, at least. :s
The book laws? I never heard of them. But. Ah. I think I get it. I did some reading on vacation. That's sort of how this all started. But I haven't remembered anything yet. I'm sure it'll come back eventually! [/hopeless optimism]
Meaningful, at least.
*laughs a little* I'm starting to doubt there's much meaning in these things. Maybe we don't remember because of some trauma? I don't know. My foster-brother didn't remember anything and, when he did.... well, it wasn't pretty. *casually* He had a rough first life.
*is glad to see you looking a little more hopeful* </High King of hopeless optimism>
*ponders all this* I suppose the Valar might know what it's all about. *laughs* Some of them just walk around town like regular old unholy people, you know. I saw Oromë during the blackout but I didn't dare approach him. He had a gun.
*nods* Yeah, Yavanna stops by our house at least once every other month to yell at my dad about the pollution levels. It doesn't do any good, though. And Vána caused the Big Blackout, of course. I don't remember them being around so much in my last life. *quickly* Of course, I didn't live in the Blessed Realm like you! My mom did have some strange visitors ever once in a while, though, but I don't think they were ever Valar. Probably not. I doubt it.
They don't mind, honestly. I think. I don't really know. I think they prefer it, actually. They wouldn't be here if they didn't want to know us, right?
*laughs* That's a motto to live by, that is. Her fights with Oromë are legendary.
*a bit sadly* I should go. They send out the guards if I'm missing for more than an hour. *is maybe joking. isn't sure* I'll try to actually make it for lunch tomorrow. *smiles*
Thank you for listening. *reaches over and squeezes your hand* You're very good at your job, you know.
*lightly* Maybe I'll see you tomorrow then. And if you can't make it, I'll just have to work doubly hard and probably faint from exhaustion and have to be rushed to the hospital. No biggie.
*flustrated* *comfortably* You're welcome, Lúthien. That's what I'm here for, day or night...um. And thank youfor kindly leaving me now.
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