From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 15:29:54

*answers the door looking eerily calm, considering*

*and not entirely focused, either*

*smiles after a moment* Beleg. Hey. How's tricks?

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 15:37:38

Good, good.

*presses a paper cup of coffee into your hand* *looks at you closely* You're not back on drugs, are you?

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 15:42:01

*moves aside to let you in*

*looks at his coffee like he's not sure it's trustworthy* *takes a sip*

*blinks, completely taken aback* What? makes you say that?

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 15:46:57

You just look a little, you know, wired or out of it or something.

*walks into your living room* Can't say I like what you've done with the place, Túrin. You need new curtains. And a lick of paint never hurt anyone.

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 15:51:45

*looks around in confusion* I just moved in. I've been busy.

*follows you in* Do you want a... *noticing your coffee* ...no. Course not.

*without much conviction* Keep it down, yeah? Nienor's sleeping. I guess. Maybe. *looks at the wall questioningly* Paint. Okay.

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 15:54:31

*turns around and looks at you*

*smiles* Nienor's here? How wonderful for you. Did they allow her weekend leave or something?

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 15:59:20

*sprawls out on his couch*

Nah. It's like...I found her wandering around? Something with Mablung but I don't-. And she can't remember a thing. So I took her home. And then Dr. Ron stopped over and then I told her everything. That was today? Not Dr. Ron, I mean. So she might be going insane again? Now?

*returns your smile confidently* At least one of us is. Sane. Totally on top of it, you know?

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 16:08:22

*sits in one of your armchairs* *squawks as she sinks down into it*

I'm sorry. Your sister's going insane and you think you're on top of it? Where is she, Túrin?

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 16:12:11

Asleep. *frowns* She didn't seem insane, no. *shrugs* Just sad. And sick. Which is, you know, fine. Not 'fine' as in 'good'. But. *finds the word he's looking for* Understandable. You know?

I think I was more insane, actually. But now I'm fine. *gestures vaguely* Working on work. Army stuff. *has a great idea* Do you want to be in the army?

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 16:17:22

You still might want to get a doctor to see her, Túrin.

*closes her eyes and rests her head back against the cushions* I'm Captain of the Marchwardens. Is that the same thing as being in the army?

*sips her coffee*

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 16:21:40

*blandly* Soon as she can look at me again.

*promptly* No. *in a conversational tone* Maybe you're not the armying type.

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 16:28:25

*raises one eyebrow, imperiously*

No, no. You're probably right. I certainly didn't fight in any major battles are part of an army, or anything. I mean, what was the Nirnaeth? Just a mild skirmish, really.

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 16:32:17

*looks puzzled* What? No. 's not what I mean. You always just...I don't know. Did your own thing. No ties or orders or anything. Did what you wanted. Always liked that about you.

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 16:34:15

*leans forward a bit* Oh, I like doing my own thing. It's what I do best. That's why being a marchwarden suits me. But when I had to work with someone else? Well. You were the person I worked best with, weren't you?

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 16:37:59

*breaks into a slow smile* Well, yeah. Obviously. Everybody knows that.

Or Mablung, I guess. *looks slightly troubled at that prospect*

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 16:44:52

*frowns, puzzled* Mablung? He's one of my best mates but I don't think we connect the same way I connect with you, you know? At least, I never shot you in the leg, did I?

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 16:48:07

*without a trace of animosity* You seem like you connect pretty well. Or did? I dunno.

*is even more direct than he is when he's feeling even the tiniest bit sober in character, yes* Were you fucking on Arda? I don't remember.

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 16:52:12

*smoothly* Why? Jealous, Túrin? Mablung always had a crush on you, you know.

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 16:59:32

*shrugs* You do your own thing. Or a lot of things. It's allowed. And I wouldn't blame him. Them. All of them? You're pretty...pretty. Which is weird. But, you know. *shrugs again* There it is.

*gets the feeling he didn't address the correct side of your question somehow*

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 17:01:44

Pretty...pretty? I think that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me. Which is more than I can say for the rest of that comment. *folds her arms*

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 17:04:50

*offended* What?? You are. Beautiful.

*...*

Wait. What?

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 17:14:36

*smiles genuinely*

*in a sing-song voice* You think I'm beau-ti-ful. You think I'm beau-ti-ful.

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 17:17:59

*comes to the realization that he's actually been angry for about the last half of this conversation or so. really angry, in fact. omewtfbbq?*

*thinking out loud* This is not the best day ever.

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 17:21:16

*heaves herself off the armchair and walks over to you*

*slaps your legs to the side so she can sit down on the far side of the couch*

*matter-of-factly* Talk to me, then.

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 17:25:40

*re-establishes sofa supremacy by resting his feet on your lap*

*despite not being entirely sure where that lap has been*

*clearly not processing this directive* Talk? I don't talk. I cope.

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 17:32:20

*pinches your big toe* No, Túrin. Today, you talk. You're not especially good at coping and if you bottle up, you'll explode and that'll just be messy.

*looks at you balefully* It's just me, Túrin.

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 17:34:48

*kicks your leg* *muttering* Coping just fine 'til you got here.

It's just me

No it isn't. You're different.

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 17:40:17

*smacks you away again before stroking your shin soothingly* I'm not different. I'm Beleg.

*pauses*

And I worry about you, whether you're a hulking great Vala or not.

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 17:47:20

*pulls his gaze from your hands to your face* No. You're. Not. *rather incoherently* You belong to everything now.

*shifting gears abruptly* Just need to sort her out, okay? Then I'll 'deal' or whatever.

*thinking* I should maybe talk to the others? Valar, I mean. If I can push my molecules around I should be able to do it with memories. Right?

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 18:02:32

*looks at you squarely* If that's what you believe, Túrin, then I guess that's where I belong. *feels a faint tug of disappointment at that but shakes it off*

*frowns* How do you mean?

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 18:07:22

*doesn't see any point in saying that what he wants doesn't actually change anything*

Vána said I could manipulate matter. Energy. *holds a hand up in front of his eyes and stares at it intently* I think I see carbon. *sigh* No. That's my thumb. *glares at you* You are totally harshing my mellow. *pushes your chin with his foot*

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 18:10:44

*clenches her jaw and mock-growls at you* Can you, like, make stuff with your mind?

*rests her hand on your knee, pressing your leg down, even though she knows you could easily overpower her*

*holds up her empty coffee cup* Like a refill?

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 18:18:40

I guess? I don't know. *swigs his barely-touched, now-cold coffee in its cup* Refill, yeah. I'm starting to feel the world pressing in. I'll make us some.

*stands and looks down at you* *is dimly aware he may be doing what he just said he could never do with you again*

Talk? *vulnerably* What should I say that you don't already know?

*silently prays you won't laugh at him now, when the world might fall apart if you do*

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 18:23:25

*uses your hand to pull herself up to stand* *wraps her arms around you comfortably*

It doesn't matter if I know it already or not, Túrin. If it's on your mind and it's troubling you, you can say it to me.

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 18:32:03

*quietly* There were good days, too. I want to feel those things. *smiles as though he's just thought of something* You said you were leaving. But you came back. You always came back.

*holds onto you for dear life* Maybe some things don't change.

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 18:36:36

*lightly* You can't ditch me that easily, Túrin.

*clings to you as tightly as she can* We never change, honey. We had catastrophic days but we had some of the best days too.

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 18:44:41

*sighs regretfully* I don't know why it seems so complicated.

*pulls back and looks at you with a sadness he can't trace* I'll try to think on those days. You quiet my mind somehow. *smiles faintly* How my dearest friend could be a part of anything quiet, I have no idea.

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 18:47:04

*sticks her tongue out at you* Because you need someone to balance you, you fool. You're all blundering and clumsy and big.

*pulls back and drops into a little curtsey* And I am all sweetness and light.

*pauses for a moment before laughing*

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 18:54:00

*laughs too* Balance? Is that a nice way of saying "constantly insult"? You'd never change me, admit it.

*sets about making coffee*

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/03/2007 19:08:48

*cheerfully* Well, it won't stop me from trying.

*sits up on the kitchen counter and watches you*

*swings her legs gently*

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/03/2007 21:33:36

*stops what he's doing for a moment* *pensively* You would, really? Change me, I mean?

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/04/2007 08:13:27

*looks at you seriously* If by 'change', you mean, teach you how to pick up after yourself and learn to talk just a little more then yes, I would change you. I'd never want to change who you are, Túrin, even if you are a moody sod at times.

*simply* You wouldn't be Túrin if you changed too much.

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/04/2007 09:32:59

*smiles ruefully* Fair enough I guess.

*offers you a fresh mug of coffee after a few minutes' wait*

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/04/2007 09:35:22

Thank you, honey.

*reaches out and light grasps your wrist* I do mean it, Túrin. I'm not sure what I'd do if I thought you couldn't talk to me.

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/04/2007 09:42:10

*turns his hand over to squeeze yours reassuringly*

*sets down his coffee cup and braces his hands against the counter on either side of you*

Talking to you doesn't change the facts, that's all. But if you want to know, I'll tell you anything.

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/04/2007 09:57:48

It's not that I want to know, you fool. It's that I want to help.

*lightly raps her knuckles on the side of your head* I know that you're more intelligent than a whole planet these days but sometimes two heads are better than one.

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/04/2007 10:03:56

*jerks his head away* Stop.

You can't just stroll in and fix everything with a few jokes. You and Mablung both. It doesn't work that way. I need to figure things out as I go.

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/04/2007 10:06:53

*looks at you* I-- I wasn't joking. You-- you really are an idiot, aren't you?

*slips down off the counter and ducks away, under your arm* *mutters, as she walks towards the kitchen door* I was just trying to help.

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/04/2007 10:11:58

*gapes*

*looks after you* What the fuck, Beleg?

you really are an idiot, aren't you?

*dryly* Yeah. Apparently I am. I don't understand you at all.

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/04/2007 10:25:54

I don't understand you at all.

*tries not to let the overwhelming sense of devastation show on her face*

I was wrong, then. We have changed.

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/04/2007 10:29:52

*ohhh, no. unacceptable.*

*angrily* Who's the idiot here? I wasn't doubting your sincerity, just your reach.

We can't have changed all that much because I still fucking love you, you ass. Please tell me we haven't changed.

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/04/2007 10:41:11

I wasn't doubting your sincerity, just your reach.

*bursts out* Then show me, Túrin. Explain it to me!

I still fucking love you, you ass.

*looks up at you for a long time without saying anything* That's -- that's --

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/04/2007 10:51:03

*shouting* You can't fix my brain! Just give me time to absorb it all, for Eru's sake! I can't afford to short out while Nienor needs me.

*not thinking at all how those three little words might otherwise be interpreted* *impatiently* Did you think I didn't care? You're my best friend. Did I never tell you how much you mean to me?

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/04/2007 10:55:55

*shouts right back at you* And you can't afford to go it alone either! You're strong, Túrin, but you're not that strong!

*shakes her head wildly* No, Túrin, we were guys. We didn't talk about our feelings, remember?

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/04/2007 11:04:28

*grinds his teeth* Talk is only good for nothing so much. I'm more interested in Do.

*grumbling* Well, I thought it was obvious. I'm sorry if it wasn't obvious to you.

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/04/2007 11:11:50

Fine, then, Túrin! Do it alone. See if I care! I'll come by and pick up the pieces when you're done because it's what I always do.

I'm sorry if it wasn't obvious to you.

It was obvious, Túrin. It's not anymore. I-- I-- guided you to Delving, again, you shot me again, I stayed with you while you were coming off those fucking drugs and not even once have you stopped by to see me. Yet again, I chase after you and -- and -- it's exhausting, Túrin.

I'm exhausted.

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/04/2007 11:18:09

*acidly* Forgive me if I don't feel up to many social calls these days. It's been one thing after another since I got here. Anyway, it's not like you haven't been keeping busy, so what the hell do you care?

*turns away from you* I didn't ask you for anything. I never. asked you. for anything.

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/04/2007 11:25:15

*stares at you* Of course not, Túrin. I'm sorry for inflicting my presence on you. You didn't ask for that.

*wipes at her face* I have to get back to work. If you need anything and you bring yourself to ask for it, you know where I am.

*turns and walks through the sitting room towards your front door*

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/04/2007 11:29:48

*storms after you*

*grips your arm and swings you around to face him* Don't do that, Beleg. It's not fair.

*brokenhearted* Stop getting caught up in the explosions. Just be there when the dust clears. That's all I want.

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/04/2007 11:32:45

*tries to pull away from you*

I can't believe you're asking me to watch from the sidelines.

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/04/2007 11:35:44

*stubbornly pulls you closer*

I'm just sick to death of hurting you. Don't you know that?

*wipes away your tears with his thumb* *kisses your forehead with reverent softness*

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/04/2007 11:39:44

*just cries harder*

Then stop hurting me, Túrin. Stop making me do all the running.

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/04/2007 11:44:10

*helplessly* It's being near me that hurts you. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

*hears his own words and lets go of you abruptly*

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/04/2007 11:47:38

*equally helplessly* Oh, Eru. You're going to leave me, aren't you?

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/04/2007 11:51:29

*very quietly* You don't need me all this. You're exhausted, you said it yourself. Go and get some sleep. We'll talk later. Really.

	From: belthronding	Date: 03/04/2007 11:54:44

*shakes her head*

*moves towards you and cups your face in her hands* If you want to talk, Túrin, you're going to have to come to me.

*looks away* Goodbye.

*walks out through the door, convinced that you will not come to her*

	From: gorthol	Date: 03/04/2007 11:59:10

*offers not a single encouraging word*

*closes the door behind you and leans against it for a long time*