*returns home after two or three days of wandering Beleriand in extensive pursuit of doing nothing and seeing nobody*
Rachel. Change my phone numbers and send the new information to my professional contacts only. Whatever's on my calendar for this afternoon, cancel it. Find me something to eat and have someone run me a bath. I'm exhausted.
*just now realises that his assistant isn't following him around as she normally is by now*
*walks through the house in search of her* Rachel? What are you doing?
*is curled up on the couch watching soap operas and eating peanut butter out of the jar*
*looks up as you come in* *cheerfully* I'm sitting on your couch, watching my soap opera and eating peanut butter. Also, my name's not actually Rachel. I remembered a few things while you were gone.
*pinches the bridge of his nose* Today is not the day for jokes.
*upon further contemplation, can't actually recall you ever having put together more than five words at a stretch* *at least not when none of them was "sir"*
Your name's not Rachel? What are you talking about?
*crawls across the couch and sits on the arm near you*
*very slowly (so that you can understand)* I mean I remembered who I really am. Like I said. And it's not meek, mild, dull little Rachel, either. Not that I was actually that meek or mild but you don't have to know that.
*tilts her head* I was going to chew you out for not recognising me but really, nobody'd believe it. But you have to guess now. It's hilarious. *laughs at the look on your face* Come on, just guess.
*is still a bit hung up on the part where you're not running off to do his bidding*
*slumps down on the couch next to you* I can't possibly guess but I can at least assume that if I killed you in my last life, there's no way you'd be half so pleased about it.
*unamusedly* You are no fun whatsoever. Okay, look. I'll give you hints but you have to swear you won't start being more of an asshole because I've seen the way you treat family, buddy.
Here goes. *assumes a bored expression that's uncannily reminiscent of Aredhel* *drawls* Really, darling, if you're going to be rude, I shan't remain in your company another minute.
*groans* *was SO used to being unusually unguarded around you because you FIXED things when they were annoying and WHAT THE MANDOS IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?* Oh, yes, more fake family's just what I need. Exactly that, please.
*observes your impression with something like mute horror* What in Eru's name was that?! Don't do that again, it's terrifying.
*eyeroll* Try this one then. *gesticulates wildly and looks slightly manic* Do you have any idea how much paperwork is involved here?! Honestly, if you would just consider the consequences of your being an idiot it might not come so easily to you. We'll talk about this more after tea. Can we please just have tea? Can it be magical, time-traveling tea?
*grins* Now you're onto it. *takes stock of your utterly bewildered expression* Not Káno Káno, obviously. Arakáno. Come to think of it, there are way too many -kános in my family BUT I'M THE ONLY ONE NAMED AFTER DAD. Maybe I should just go by Káni. It's girlier, don't you think? Umpteenthfinwë? *punches your arm lightly* Cuz?
*picks up a throw pillow and very calmly smacks you over the head with it* *repeatedly* I. Was. The. Tallest. Elf. In. Aman. And. All. Anyone. You. Remembers. Is. "ANOTHER ONE"?
*raises an eyebrow* It's too early in the day for charm. Your ego needs its beauty sleep. *digs out another spoonful of peanut butter* Oh, that reminds me. Your mother called. Six times. She wouldn't say what it was about but it sounded important. Also, I quit.
*was, of course, completely expecting this* Sorry, Turco. As much fun as it's been to schedule your life and special-order the only jam you'll agree to eat, I'm enrolling at the U of O to get my doctorate. After I pay a visit to 'káno and the others, of course.
*sympathetically* Besides, how awkward would it be knowing it was your cousin and social equal working under you? Could you find it your heart to keep looking down on me?
*does kinda feel bad about making you look like you don't have the first clue how the bills get paid or the house stays sterile because you probably don't* *sighs* No. You're not that bad when you feel like it.
Think of all the good times we've had?
*taps her chin thoughtfully* Hmm. Thinking about the good times okayI'mdone.
You mean the time I fell asleep—because I was up the entire previous night re-organising your closet, I might add—and you stomped on my foot to wake me and broke my toe in the process? That time?
*smiles* You mean the time you made me go out and get you bourbon at two in the morning? And when I came back you had mysteriously conquered the Falas? That time?
*almost laughs for the first time in days* *lip-bite* What do you expect? The Falas have the worst defenses ever!
*tries for the guilt trip instead* How about the time I wrote your final paper for Primitive Nandorin? What mark did you get on that paper again? I forget.
*glares* Only because I refused to look for your navy blue polka-dotted tie until I finished it. It should tell you something about your persistence that I remember what tie it was.
*shrugs* You'll find somebody else. And you can tie your own ties so don't give me that crap.
*sticks her spoon in her mouth to take out her PDA* Ook. Iss is er afferoon schedule. *removes the spoon* You're getting your hair cut at one and you're meeting with your accountant at three-thirty. Wear the grey shirt I hate and the stripey tie I hate even more because you look amazing in them.
It's easy enough a monkey could do it. So you should only have a little trouble.
Turco, that is the lamest— *sees pretty quickly that you're not kidding*
*quietly* Oh. *refills the peanut butter spoon and offers it to you again* Eat this.
*stands and brushes off her hands* I'll be sure to come and visit you 'cause you wouldn't even believe what on-campus housing is like. And you have a pool. The refrigerator is that big box in the kitchen with all the cold food in it.
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