THE SENSE OF "TOUCH" (COLLOQUIALLY) IS MEDIATED BY THE SOMATOSENSORY SYSTEM. SOMATOSENSORY RESPONSES MAY BE INDUCED IN A HUMAN BODY SIMPLY BY APPLYING PRESSURE TO THE DESIRED AREA OR BY ALTERING THE TEMPERATURE OR AIR QUALITY IN CLOSE PROXIMITY TO THE DESIRED AREA, TO LIST A FEW EXAMPLES. IN THE FEMALE HUMANOID FORM WHICH IS CHARACTERISTIC OF THE RAIMENT OF MY LADY VÁNA, POSITIVE RESPONSES ARE MOST OFTEN ELICITED BY STIMULATION OF "EROGENOUS ZONES" SUCH AS THE CLITORIS, NIPPLES, OR NECK. FURTHER INFORMATION REGARDING "EROGENOUS ZONES" MAY BE FOUND IN SEVERAL PSEUDO-ANATOMICAL REFERENCE WORKS AS WELL AS IN THE COLLECTED WORKS OF MY LADY VENDÓRË.
A DISGUISE REPRESENTATIVE OF MY LORD OROMË, AS WELL AS BULLETPROOF ARMOR, ARE ALSO ADVISED.
*thinks he understands what happened there* What I meant to say, Chip, was that I'd like to send a message to the Lady Vána. Do you know how I might do that?
WHILE POPULAR MYTH AND LEGEND DICTATE MANY AND VARIOUS MODES OF COMMUNICATION, SUCH AS THE ANSIBLE, HUMAN-TO-HUMAN TELEPATHY, AND THE SPEECH OF CONJURED ANIMAL FORMS PRODUCED BY MAGICAL STICKS, THE FAMILIAR FORMS OF PRESENT-DAY HUMAN-TO-AINU COMMUNICATIONS ARE LIMITED TO A FORM OF TELEPATHY (WHAT IS TRADITIONALLY REFERRED TO AS "PRAYER"), VOICE CORRESPONDENCE VIA PERSON-TO-PERSON CONVERSATION OR ASSORTED TELEPHONY CLIENTS, AND WRITTEN CORRESPONDENCE SUCH AS THE "LETTER" OR THE "E-MAIL".
ADDITIONALLY, I AM PROGRAMMED AND NETWORKED TO COMMUNICATE WITH MY LADY VÁNA ON AN ENCRYPTED CHANNEL.
CURRENTLY, MY PROGRAMMING INCLUDES NINE THOUSAND, THREE HUNDRED TWENTY-FOUR VALARIN, ELVEN, AND HUMAN DIALECTS. MY PROGRAMMING DOES NOT INCLUDE KELVAR DIALECTS AT THIS TIME. AS CHIP MODEL DELTA-FOUR-POINT-SEVEN LEARNED—AS CONTEMPORARY HUMAN SLANG WOULD INDICATE—"THE HARD WAY", ATTEMPTS TO OBTAIN KNOWLEDGE OF KELVAR DIALECTS FROM MY LORD OROMË GENERALLY RESULT IN SUMMARY DEACTIVATION AND ARE NOT ADVISED.
IN WHICH DIALECT DO YOU WISH ME TO TRANSMIT THE MESSAGE TO MY LADY VÁNA?
I AM NOT PROGRAMMED, AUTHORISED, OR LICENSED TO ADVISE ON MATTERS OF SALVATION, OR TO TRANSMIT MESSAGES DESIGNED TO SPIRITUALLY DAMAGE MY LADY VÁNA. PLEASE DIRECT SUCH INQUIRIES TO THE SPIRITUAL HEADS OF SUCH ORGANISATIONS AS THE FIRST CHURCH OF ERU, NÁMOANS FOR MANWË, THE SEVEN SONS FËANORISTS, OR THE HAVEN FOR WEARY WANDERERS, DELVING CHAPTER— *clicks and whirs more frenetically* —NOW DEFUNCT.
ALTHOUGH MY PROGRAMMING DOES NOT SO SPECIALISE, YOU SEEM DEPRESSED, Doctor L. Ron Haphelven. MIGHT I SUGGEST AN APPOINTMENT WITH A PSYCHIATRIC PROFESSIONAL OR A DIETARY REGIMEN INCLUDING ST. ESTË'S WORT?
No, no, nothing like that. Chip is very... literalsilent, usually interesting.
*folds his hands* It's about one of our patients here. He's undergone some major trauma and it looks as though he's going to lose one of his hands. And I was just wondering whether there was...something...you could do for him?
*somewhat dryly* I'm not sure I would call it "catching on," necessarily. It's more that he wouldn't have a hand otherwise? He's still unconscious so I can't guarantee he'd even be willing keep the thing prosthetic.
...although that's not to say your design wouldn't be exemplary in every way, of course. Really, the next time I cut off my own hand in a freak bone saw accident, you'll be the first to know.
WHILE I DO NOT REQUIRE STANDARD HUMAN NUTRITIONAL ELEMENTS TO FUNCTION, I DO POSSESS A RUDIMENTARY APPROXIMATION OF AN ESOPHAGEAL TUBE AND A CORRESPONDING ABDOMINAL STORAGE UNIT. I AM PROGRAMMED WITH MASTICATION AND SWALLOWING SUBROUTINES IN ORDER TO HELP ENDEAR HUMANKIND TO MY MODEL VIA THE AESTHETICS OF THE TRADITION OF A SHARED MEAL.
I AM ALSO HAPPY TO EXCHANGE CURRENCY FOR AND RETRIEVE FOOD FOR YOU FROM THE HOSPITAL CAFETERIA IF YOU ARE FEELING HUNGRY, Elrond.
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